Went to the Pagan Odyssey Beltaine festival this weekend with Kati- she drove down Thursday, I came down Friday with Aeqo. The weekend was a mix of good things, and interesting things.
Friday night, a couple hours after I got to the site, We ended up sitting around the camp, and Amber and Mike pulled out the guitars. After a song or two, I borrowed Amber’s guitar and Mike and I started jamming on a few of the covers that we did back in the day as Speed of Dark. Amber wouldn’t take the guitar back- and I was enjoying it so much that I wasn’t all that fond of giving up the guitar. Mike and I had a few false starts, but the jamming got pretty good, and the energy got us pretty high. Mike and I play well together, mostly because we have the same instincts for sloppy rock n roll. As it turns out, Amber seems to have the same ones as well on the drums, and we play very well together. Result is, I’m back in a band. Whee! Hope it works out this time — I realized how much miss making music.
Saturday was great, and I went to Kirk White’s class on Initiation. Good class, but a bit low on structure and information. In a sense, it’s a hard thing to talk about, given the prevalence of Oaths of secrecy. was a good discussion, but I didn’t get all that much new info out of it — however, there were some insights into how others felt about the initiatory process, and it was a good way to spend the afternoon. Beyond that, there was much talking and hanging out, and it was a lot of fun.
Some combination of my pain radar and my inner mom had me keeping an eye on Amber. I read for her once she became upset enough over a messy situation with someone she was dating. The reading itself was long series of hits, using the Opening of the Key in a 1-2-3-5 reading. Details not for discussion here, but I think that between my forgetting to shield up before the reading, and the deeply personal nature of the reading, energies got a bit wild and both of us were a little shaken.
Most of us headed over to the fire circle and had a relaxed good time. Kati, Aeqo, myself, Mike, Amber, Beth and Cassie. Most people went back to camp after a while. I went back briefly to get water for one of the dancers, and that served to get me to a safe distance from Amber that I relaxed my guard, and forgot to put it back up. I failed to think through the fact that with everyone else in camp, Amber and I would be alone at the circle. We decided to smoke some weed once I got back, which meant finding someplace a bit private. So, we took a short walk down the trail past the last camping area, at which point I realized that too much privacy might not be a good thing, and we stopped by the gate, a couple hundred feet from the fire circle. No virtue in it, merely a swell of realization that this could become awkward territory. I get a bit high, I get emotionally expressive. We’d both been drinking and while I like to think that I had some kind of reasonable judgement, but frankly, I’ve been in this position before with the Our Useless Ex, and I like my present situation much better. I prefer not to fuck up my relationship with Kati, which is on generally better ground than it has been. I spent some time grounding and was able to manage the situation with relative grace. Not much to say on that front, really, aside from the fact that awkwardness was avoided, and I hope gently and gracefully. I like Amber and don’t want to hurt her feelings- we’ll have to work together.
Things were more or less normal by Sunday morning, and I managed to ground out the energy from the night before. I think things are cool, but after talking it over with Kati, I’ll be cautious going forward.
Other than that, I got real relaxed, made some new friends and got a serious jones to make music again. Good things will come out of this.
