RESH

So, I've been performing the adoration of Liber Resh vel Helios for the last week. The object, at present is to learn the adorations by heart, and not have to use the Red Book, essentially a self-created handbook of ritual tasks geared for portability.

I have the later object of 30 days of performance, fully journaled, once the adoration is bone deep in memory. Form first, function second, as priorities of focus. Interestingly, even these "rehearsals" have not been without effect, insofar as they are leading to some intriguing observations....

First Observation: the Morning Resh is difficult for me. First, I wake up badly, and as a stumbling fool, in a state more suited to an adoration of Azatoth, than a solar deity. Whatever IT is that merry old Sol drinks in the morning to be so bright-eyed? I gotta get me some of that. Alternately, I need to consider getting rid of caffeine as well, which is not something I care to do. I love my caffeinated beverages.

Second Observation: the performance of the observation when I am out and about has proven to be rather a simple matter, and the apprehension I had about feeling "silly" is relieved. I have found that I can perform the operation just about anywhere, and don't much give a damn what others might think. Having been caught waiting for a phone call and stuck in my cubicle, I simple established the space in my mind, while physically doing the breathing and tensioning. I performed the adoration completely in mind, and in fact, was quite pleased by it. My imagination doesn't smoke, and can bellow quite loudly. It set a new standard of performance for me to work to. I have a long way to go to manifest that effect materially.

Third: My cat, Fitzgerald, has been of actual use in performing Resh. He is both my alarm clock and observer. He will begin meowing at exactly the time that I am to perform Resh, and will follow me up to the altar room, sit in the appropriate quarter, and watch the operation. I am intrigued by this; I suspect he thinks it's for him. I've always regarded him as something of an idiot, but may have to re-evaluate that, at least in the context of the Work. It almost feels like he is something's cat's paw, in this.

Fourth: Spent yesterday with the KTO. Missed evening Resh, but performed midnite Resh. Felt off last evening, but was unable to attribute the sensation to anything in particular. Suspected that it might have been the missed Resh. Decided to skip morning Resh to test thesis. It is 8 AM. I observe that I am feeling unbalanced, and that there is a a sense of weight on my shoulders. It's not exactly like a guilt-feeling... more like the sense of not finding your keys where you thought you put them down. It's actually nagging, and I'm tossing a coin to figure out whether I should go ahead and do it now, or steel myself to ride it out till noon. (Tails. I'm going to ride this out.)

That pretty much covers it to date.