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Initial Notes on American Folk-Christianity

I’ve compiled these impressions based on 20th Century American Christian popular media, Fox News, and several weekend retreats in my teens.

  • JibbaJabba-Jewtalk-Name was put on a stick by evil, poor brown people and left out in the sun to Tan and Diet in order to purge himself of the Original Sins of Jewishness, Brownishness, Liberalism and Poverty. In memory of this, Christy people deep fry things and eat them on sticks.

  • While dead, his brown skin was peeled off, He changed his name to The Jaysus instead of the JibbaJabba-Jewtalk-Name and on the third day, rose as a perfected, pasty White Christian, who had renounced all his former Jewish-Liberal Bullshit as a phase, in favor of a advocating a feudal social structure centered on his own Cult of Personality and a platform of Universal Armament and Conquest.

  • Somewhere around this time, the new The Jaysus splits into three distinct personalities: The Blood-God The Jaysus, The Savior of the Rich The Jaysus, and Fake Liberal The Jaysus, who Keeps the Poor People Poor because they are not deserving of good things. The details on when this schism occurred differ between sects, as do which The Jaysus is most important.

  • Using his White Superpowers, The Jaysus converted Saul of Tarsus to The Jaysusism, by beating him down and giving him a head wound that made him temporarily blind, and left Saul really good at following orders from the voice in his head, and also screaming at small children. But since God is an Awesome God, who Learns from His Mistakes, he did not give Saul any Bears, but instead gave him a shit-ton on of money and put him at the head of a Media Empire. The Jaysus, being all knowing, waited until the Media Empire was established before using his magic to purify Saul and take away his Original Sin (misceginated Brownish Jewy-ness) by changing his name and restoring his sight.

  • The New Secrets of Christiness were bestowed unto Saul, mostly by changing his name to “Paul” which is a good ‘Murican one, and isn’t Jewish or Brown-people sounding at all. Then The Jaysus taught him 17th Century English and dictated the corrected version of the Bible to Paul. While modern Media-Jews attempt to hide their UnSaved shame using this same tactic, it is critical to recognize this as a hollow gesture, because The Jaysus has not inspired them, and they persist in their evilness, liberalism and anti-gun lobby and general Jewishness. Outing Clandestine Jews, Secret Negroes, Dirty Catholics and other Mudpeople is an important tenet of ‘Murican Christiness. If the evil races are not outed, then the Chosen don’t know who to offer as sacrifice to their god.

  • Large scale human sacrifice is central to the worship of The Jaysus. This is part of a multi-tiered strategy for managing the surplus population, increasing economic development, and widening the income gap. In order to meet the short-term quota changes required by the Central Authority of Fox News, Cultists of The Jaysus recruit poor people and export them to other parts of the world with automatic weapons and other boom-things in order to spread Christiness and Democracy to parts of the Empire that refuse to acknowledge the supremacy of ‘Murica. The main object is to make sure that as many people on both sides are sacrificed to the Blood-God The Jaysus, who himself is full of bullet holes, and runs around collecting souls from the battlefield like a Super-Aryan Pac-man/Non-Irish-Catholic-filth John McClane of Christiness, who casts the fake souls of the brown pretend-people into Hell and carries the real souls of White Christy People into Heaven, where they shall sit on clouds and sing songs about how awesome the soul-collecting Pac-Jaysus is.

  • The longer term aim of the blood-sacrifice is to reduce the population of the whole planet to 44,000 Perfected White Christians in accordance with prophecy, and enslave all the Miscegnators and clandestine Jews. This is accomplished by convincing the economically inferior, misceginated portion of the population that the stuff that Jewtalk-JibbaJabba-Name talked about before his redemption on the Holy Stick is still relevant to the practice to Real Christiness. They use this as a means to keep the surplus population subservient, and ensure that they actively participate in their own enslavement and deprivation. From an economic standpoint, this means that The Jaysus ensures that the unworthy poor must pay most of their income in taxes on basic necessities, receive sub-standard or no healthcare, and most importantly, fight amongst themselves over who The Jaysus loves more. Additionally, the poor are required to attend weekly indoctrination sessions and are expected to give at least 10% of their pre-tax gross earnings in support of the leaders of the indoctrination program. The groups who give their leaders the most money win some sort of badly defined prize redeemable only after death, a condition they are taught to believe is preferable to being alive, especially if continued living means taking money from the Unholy-Gubmint-which-is-the-source-of-all-evil-except-when-killing-brown-people.

  • The poor believe that they are eventually going to be among the 44-thousand super-rich who can buy their way into The Elite Jaysus Club, and thus can act like complete bastards to each other with impunity, when in fact, they can never make enough money to either buy their way directly into The Elite Jaysus Club, or buy enough ammo to kill their way in, although there have been some notable attempts, these ultimately only result in a few of the group members in the leadership cadre making enough money to buy Salvation from The Jaysus. Collectively, the poor comprise a special group called the Damned Sinners.

  • The Damned Sinners can easily identified by their Liberalism, any tendency to help other people for any reason, failing to own enough of the right kind of firearms make The Jaysus happy, allowing their women to vote and have orgasms, having impure thoughts about men (but The Jaysus is totally down with girl-on-girl action, especially when it’s portrayed in an exploitative way at less than union scale by conventionally attractive women who are merely "experimenting") not having enough to eat, being even slightly brown, non-english speaking or having fewer than two 6-digit income streams, one or more incidences of any of the following: non-public expressions of compassion, masturbation, unemployment, sleeping, shaking more than twice after peeing, or associating with people who have or may have engaged in any of the acts listed above.