In the Spring of 1990, my 13 year old self was hanging out with a friend in a sketchy lean-to of a garage in New Hampshire, cleaning up from tinkering with another friends car, and listening to cassettes on the ghettobox. We'd been listening to headbanger standards for most of that day- Iron Maiden, Metallica and the like.
So, last night , Drae and I had a conversation that essentially established where we are going from here... or rather, not going.
Drae will be moving out sometime within the next couple of weeks - no hard date established - and that will be that. So, a couple of awkward weeks, and we'll see how it goes from there with everything involved in packing her up and out. I believe that she is going to rent a storage locker in the meantime, to get her stuff into until actual move-out dates.
Part one of the conversation went well, although Kess did not have much to say. To sum up, it was a fact finding mission. There was a fair amount of discussion and the tentative conclusion is this: Drae is going ot go house sit for a month, and in the meantime, we're going to try to work shit out a bit, and see where things are at the end of it. Other things were addressed in the midst of it, but that was the substance. at least shit is on a timeline, of sorts, now.
This is without a doubt a truly shitty day. I've suspected it was coming for while, and more than anything, I've fought to put it off as long as possible in hopes that shit would work out. It seems that this is not going to happen.
Its been nearly 4 years since Drae moved in with Kess and I. Lot of heartache, lot of OK times, and a few really good ones, and it looks like that's going to be up the creek. Everyone tries to make it work, over the last year the success rate has been declining, particularly between the girls. They seem to be unable to communicate most of the time, and the relationship between them is bad. Overall, the household status is generally poor, owing mostly to their conflict. No one is getting what they need, much less what they want at this point.
My radar has been going apeshit for about 2 months. Today, is contact day. Details below the cut.
Counter-culture hero, Master Magickian, surreal humorist and psychologist, Robert Anton Wilson let the Ka out of the meat-bag on January 11th.
Bob was a hero and friend to a lot of us odd-ducks who grew up during his tenure here on on earth. To me he was a reminder that hilaritas is the defining feature of the spiritually awake, and that grimness accomplishes little, a trick I have yet to master much myself.
So, the world seems a bit darker and a little less full here today which is odd because the universe is irrevocably thermodynamic and Bob was a great conservationist.
Every once in a while I see something that makes me think that everything is going to work out in the end. This was once of those moments. When I came into the room, kess hushed me and pointed to sleepy Drae. It's the sort of quiet moment that they rarely share, with a lot of stress and conflict in between. Mostly silent conflict, sometimes not. But moments like this — yeah, they keep me going.
Draephon and I are having a major conflict over my views on certain matters. They are matters both moral and philosophical, and really deal with my world view in general. What follows is probably not of general interest, and contains an exposition of my view of the world, and how it conflicts with Draephon's.
I think that it is necessary to state at the outset that I consider myself to have been "born wrong" by most of society's standards. I do not now have, and never have had, a "moral sense" or conscience as regards most of the world.