Syadasti Syadavaktavya Syadasti Syannasti Syadasti....
I’ve been rereading Illuminatus! for the 3rd or fourth time. What I’m finding interesting about the experience is that there’s always more in the book than I previously realized. My focus this time is on the way that the characters develop through initiatory processes.
One observation is that the kinds of initiatory shocks the characters receive are fairly traditional in their intent, if not always in their particular forms. When I compare this to the kinds of experience that I’ve had both in formal group initiation and the times initiation has manifested in my life, it leaves me wondering if I started from the wrong point. The characters, and many of my friends have had very strong emotional reactions to initiation; it ‘is’ a transformative experience for them. My own experiences have always been taken in stride. The patterns have always been recognizable to me, and there is a sense of inevitability and frankly, a rather jaded, passionless engagement with the process- and indeed, when a cycle has played out, I’m left often left with a vague sense of disappointment that there wasn’t more to it. It’s almost like there’s some of Taoist at the controls who simply accepts the even, processes the experience, and then lets it go until the next one comes along. The IAO cycle plays through very quickly for me. There’s a sense of “Is that seriously all you had for me this time? Well, it’s a nice t-shirt, at any rate.” Is there such a thing as being too far over on the h. neophilus side?
I don’t seem to differentiate the mystical or mundane in the same way that I observe others doing; I think that’s part of it. I’m not certain if that’s a good thing or a bad thing from a developmental standpoint. Even QBListic practices have yielded only a lot of amusement for me - I see that the revelations received are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense and true and false and meaningless in some sense. I can change my perceptual grid rather readily, and run a great variety of behavioral programs, though some with much more difficulty than others. Nonetheless, I figured out years ago more or less who the robot is, and who the programmer is, and I have a handle on the meta-programmer as well; everything else seems to mostly be a matter of practice, and the search for a direction to point it all in, in order to do something with it all. I find myself caught in a bind where all courses of action are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense and true and false and meaningless in some sense. Even if I could change the world to fit perfectly my vision, the next question is always the same: “To what end?”
The best answer I have ever come up with is “why not?” In a transient world where change is the only constant, death is price of failure and cost of success, How do we play the game and bend it to serve a useful end?
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Well, I feel for you, but I
Well, I feel for you, but I don't think aggressive use of ligature is the answer (I mean, seriously, this is the first time I've seen 'st' ligatures in a text later than 18th century)
I also started a re-reading of Illuminatus! a little bit ago, though I was thinking more about story structure and prose style than character development (it's simpler in both than I remember).
May I submit that the point of initiation is not the feeling, not the insights, but how you are changed. Each is supposed to push you an infintesimal step higher toward your HGA, or purify you into incorruptible gold, or to simplify you into the block of wood not carved, or accelerate you toward your singularity, whatever your transcendental target is.
The amateur psychologist in me says that this is a defense mechanism, to save you from change. You've got an excellent grasp of the vocabulary of initiation, and you can hold it up between you and fact of it. You may not be the H. Neophilus you think you are.
Raise yourself. Distill yourself. Becalm yourself. Accelerate yourself. The one on the other side of that process has their own reasons.
One of the text filters got a
One of the text filters got a bit over enthusiastic after the last update.... I done gone and slayed me those ligatures.
Illuminatus! is actually a fairly simple book. One of the things about it that I enjoy are the hidden suggestions and codes, though- there are acrostics in several places and a great many places that use other qblistsic gimmicks. The first 3 Trips- Kether, Chokmah and Binah- end with the words "point", "line" and "plane", for instance.
I agree that the point of Initiation is the change produced. The particular thing I was rambling about is that the I feel like prior initiatory experiences have run their course, and I'm stagnating in my development. In reference to the transformation produced in the Initiatory experiences of the Illuminatus! cast, what I envy there is the rapidity and relative ease of early, Isisean phases of Initiation. I've had those experiences, but they seem to be getting fewer and farther between, and harder to come by. The net result is that I'm temporarily rudderless, and wanting a clue to the end, so that I can implement the means. The search for the indicators, and lack of success is producing the spiritual equivalent of a Mid-life crisis.
Your amateur psychologist is not entirely wrong on the defense mechanism comment. After much thought (I've been thinking about both yours and Brother Squid's comments since yesterday morning) part of the reason that I'm grappling with the signs and symbols of Initiation so desperately is in order to generate the next one. The Fear-component of that vicious little system is based on *NOT* going further, *FAILING* to get to the next thing. It seems at times like I'm in a spiritual Florida- it's bloody nice weather here, but there nothing to do but wait to croak. Ok- overdramatic way to state it, but it more or less gets a the meaning.
I'm combating my own impatience, and unable to work "without lust of result". In the context of active practice, I do fine with that. It's those moments when I'm sitting at my desk or in my car, wanting to be elsewhere that get me.... more later.
Gotta head for work.
Initiation
Some thoughts....
1st of all, there are many forms of initiation. The structured or "man made" initiations are very much dependent on where the participants are at. For some people man made initiation can not trigger the peak experience that it sounds like you are looking for. I have a personal bias against public or group ritual. I can willingly participate, but I'd rather not if given the choice. So for me, man made initiation just won't do the job. I do understand that for some others it can do the job, but I came to ritual AFTER my initiation so it was a bit late for me. :-)
My initiation came sometime in the late 90's and it took 10 years of therapy, anti-depressants and occult study to get it all worked out. In my case ritual was a way to take my experiences and develop a set of metaphors to internalize what I learned.
Based on your diary entry, I'd suggest you reread angel tech's chapter about the Chapel Perilous. the big "I" Initiation is not something that you can mistake for anything else. I am not familiar with the inner workings of the IAO but I would be interested in discussing this over coffee sometime when we are in the same zip code.
I, like you, do not differentiate between the mystical and the mundane. I think this is your biggest "problem" with not getting more out of the man made initiation. Obviously I don't think it's a problem in the larger sense, just that I would not think that initiation ritual will be able to do it for you.
Another thought: In traditional QBL the goal is to develop a continuous dialog with "God" where the walls between the mundane and the spiritual break down.
As to the question "to what end?" well, when you get that one worked out you could start giving Eris advise on how to bake an apple pie.
I don't know if any of these random thoughts will help, but thanks for giving my morning routine a bit of a boost.
Frater C
More Cinnamon, less nutmeg.
I think that part of the problem is that in this immensely pussified and litigious society, group initiations come with aN obvious safety net. Therefore, as much as one might want to surrender to the ritual, there is knowledge that the outcome is certain, a foregone conclusion. This mitigates the shock of the ritual, and I think reduces it to an intellectual exercise - and that is exactly what a Beamtenherrschaft-phase culture needs to kick, and it’s definitely what that I believe I need to short circuit to get through this hump. As the saying goes, I’m finding that I’m all brains and no balls.
I’ve had Initiation-in-life - What I think I’m looking for a re-activation, passion, and emotional involvement with being. Somehow, I’ve ended up in this Hegelian/Kantian intellectual trap, and lost track of Dasein and Dao.
I’m going to take a look at the Alli tonight- I’m not sure I’ve ever read it, though I’ve had the file for quite a long time.
IAO, FYI, is a notariqon for, among other things, Isis-Apophis-Osiris. In terms of Initiation, it seems an effective shorthand for a 3 phase cycle of “Shiny!”- “ah, fuck it.” - “Yeehaw! I got it!”. I’m currently digging my way out of the Apophosian phase of the cycle. This one seems a bit protracted to me, and Chapel Perilous is manifesting as a lack of intuition on where to head from here In order to dig out as quickly as possible.
The QBListic dialog is still ongoing, but it feels like a monologue for the moment. This will change, eventually, but I’ve been reflecting rather much on my past, and seeing a lot of unpleasant crap. I sense there’s a יוֹם כִּפּוּר of some sort in my near future, and I’m wondering whether I should rush forward to meet it, or let it come to me in it’s own damn time.
Anyhow. Enough maudlin crap…
All is Sorrow, All is Joy: yes, but only after coffee.